-Joel, The Last of Us
I said I'd write an article about The Last of Us. I don't really think this will ultimately count, but I need a scratch-pad for some heavy thoughts at the moment.
The Last of Us has been hard to analyse after finishing it. Not because the subtext is difficult, or because information is hard to find; there are just so many articles, videos and other content available on the web to process all kinds of useful information about the game. Actually, that part has been both fun and enjoyable.
I've mentioned a number of times before in my blogs the word narcissism. Truth be told, I am one. The ironic (or not so ironic) thing of it is that for most of my life, I always weirdly imagined I was in some way different; that I was some kind of new make of human or that I would have or would get some kind of super disease that nobody has ever had. A lot of my assessments were the first of their kind partly for the challenge, but mostly for the recognition; I had the first CGI animation for the HSC for example. It should be noted that none of this ever worked out, which is what scares me a little more.
Have you ever had somebody tell you that they think you're special? That you're the one they care about, or that they think you'll do great things, or just do well in life in general? Well, imagine being told that by yourself every minute of every day. Imagine that a simple compliment suddenly becomes a heavy drive, one that acts a bit like a virus. It's unhealthy to have extreme expectations and always fail at them. It's unhealthy to consciously or unconsciously manipulate circumstances to better suit your Id. It's unhealthy to bring yourself down because somebody did what you wanted to do first.
First is an interesting word, because it implies a lot about the people it's applied to. It can be used in both good or bad contexts. In the world of narcissism, it's generally bad. If you let yourself buy into your own hype, you move further from the real world, as if you become closer to sitting in front of a mirror each minute of every day. Sometimes we need to be last, in order to prevent bad things from happening.
Take, for example, my Dad. Today, he did his usual rant while at the dinner table, insisting that because I was playing video games, I am entirely a slacker, but moreover that me entering a game design course was secretly a plot so I could play video games all the time. One could argue that this is the first time I've touched a game in months, but I digress. If I had been the first person to truely study games and their indepth impact on human psychology, I wouldn't have been able to give him a satisfactory answer. Now, frankly, since I'm coward, I didn't give him much of an answer at all, but by being the last of us I had a much better constructed argument in my head that would have likely blown him away. The first attempts at things are usually of poor quality in comparison to what comes far further down the track.
While studying the games I've recently finished, including The Last of Us, Journey, BEYOND: Two Souls and Ratchet & Clank: Nexus (one of these is not like the other), I've had these two different viewpoints both try to chow down on each other, vying for attention. My narcissism is heavily tied into my emotions, and so I can get fairly deeply upset when I see other people take "my" fame for an idea that I probably wouldn't have constructed as well as they have, something that my rational side tries to argue. A lot of times I notice this; the rational side wants to bring up these brilliant arguments on why I should avoid/do certain behaviour and feel certain things, but I usually end up relying on my gut feeling and emotions to guide me, which is dangerous.
Narcissism isn't some special disease or something truly unique like I would have hoped. It's more of an indicator of how one values their own survival. To a degree, we're all self-centred, but some can overcome that easier than others. In the interest of appearing modest, I'd like to believe I can overcome my deeply rooted narcissism in order to help others, but sometimes I feel as though it's a challenge that I'm not quite ready for, still being young and whatnot.
The reason I mentioned The Last of Us in the beginning was not entirely for some silly little pun to lead into this big personal debate. There is in fact a point. The Last of Us, to me, was this very beautiful reflection of me. It's as if Neil Druckmann had taken out the most core elements of what make me who I am, and stick them into a world not far from utter destruction. The thing was, for most of the game it was subtle, and there were plenty of moments I disagreed with in terms of Joel's actions, but over time as I came closer to the characters, it really started to hit me on how close I could be to Joel.
Without spoiling the ending, that was the most uncomfortable, and yet more enjoyable (on a rational level) moment for me. It was 3 words said by two characters in the end, that without the rest of the game wouldn't have made sense, but having gone through it all, nailed the point. The Last of Us, in terms of what I'm taking away from it, is less about surviving in this dystopic environment, and more about the realisation of cause and effect, how scarily flexible human personalities can be in the correct scenarios, and most importantly, how narcissism really doesn't differ between the extremes of the cold and harsh workplace, and the cold and harsh wastes.
The Last of Us has made me question a lot. It paints a picture of how all human accomplishments can be made useless and forgotten, just through human nature itself, yet deep down "I" don't want to be forgotten. Isn't that the point, though? If you were truly successful, your lessons and tools will live on longer in memory than you do? That feels like one conclusion that could be drawn from The Last of Us, and in one final concluding strike, I'd like to try and apply it to something important to me.
Since 2013 I've had this idea. It's gestated a lot, and taken many different forms. It's been refined, modified, cut down and built back up. It is supposed to be this revolutionary game idea, yet it encapsulates everything I've spoken of in this entry. I think The Last of Us mirrors a lot of what is going on with this idea of mine and myself. There is a stubborn refusal to let go, and to allow my narcissistic traits to take over under the belief that what's good for me will be good for everybody. And at this point, despite having said all I have, I cannot bring myself to throw it away or to stop thinking about it. At this point, it's a bit like a daughter to me. Something I care about so ferociously, I'd be willing to sacrifice the world for it. And even though they are entirely different in every single design standpoint except for the fact that they're both games, I've come to the conclusion that it happens to be;
The Last of Us.
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